University of Nebraska professor concludes that Michelle Obama looks like an ape because she is one

Other posts about Gerard Harbison...

UNL gun enthusiast, chemistry instructor and self-proclaimed Right Wing Professor, Gerard Harbison (UNL's thinking man's Ron Brown), recently marshaled his awesome powers of observation to deconstruct what lesser mortals would quickly dismiss as a racist tweet, concluding that biology itself has become a victim of political correctness ("Biology is racist!")

...Let's examine the offensiveness of the statement. First, is it true? Well, yes it is. Michelle Obama does look like an ape. She looks like an ape because she is an ape...

Harbison goes on to explain that, technically, we are all apes (and that he, personally, is rather fond of Neanderthals, which AKSARBENT totally buys) before reaching his Eureka! moment, which involves giving Mr. Reichardt the benefit of the doubt:

      But isn't it pretty obvious Mr. Reichardt's intent was racist? Well, no, not if you don't possess mind-reading abilities. UNL-haters, like almost all of the left, inevitably end up having to make the claim they know what other people are thinking. They don't.
      What point am I trying to make here? First, that even things that are 'obviously' racist often don't hold up under any sort of objective analysis. And second, being 'racist/sexist/homophobic/transphobic' isn't the only or even the worst way to be obnoxious.

UNL's 'right wing professor,' Gerard Harbison, gives some advice to Chuck Hagel (14 years too late) about how heterosexual supremacists should behave!

"He could have voted against Hormel
without opening his big mouth
and calling him 'openly, aggressively gay.' "

Does model-of-discretion Harbison understand that leading by example is the most effective way to teach? Let's find out, class! After all, Right Wing Professor has 140-character opinions on many other subjects, too, and he charitably lets a breathless world know, via twitter, dozens of times per month!

But first, more from Harbison's blog. Did you know that he really hates sprinkler restrictions? It's true! And somehow, fags are partially responsible for this:

And while they treat the perpetually whiny lesbian and gay activist community with kid gloves, going out of their way to make nice even while members of said community concoct hoax hate crimes, they are gung ho about busting taxpayers unfortunate enough to have malfunctioning sprinkler controls.  

AKSARBENT doesn't know what the learned, gun totin', UNL professor means by "they." Cops? The Democratic Political Machine? Tom Casady and one of the aforementioned? Were there really other hate crime hoaxes from the "gay activist community" apart from the Charlie Rogers imbroglio? Because no one except Harbison seems to know about this. Could you identify them, professor? Also, what is the "gay activist community?" Are those, like, queers who want legal relationships with their partners and the right to bury them and own property as tenants-in-entirety? Is that what you mean by "whiny"? So many questions, Professor Harbison.

Perhaps it is just better to move on. After all, Harbison has lots of other weighty and important pronouncements to think about.

A few selections from the twitter wit and wisdom
of University of Nebraska at Lincoln Chemistry
Professor Gerard Harbison

On growing up in Europe, not America, and subsequently holding forth expansively about the essence of the Cornhusker State:
I like to help out-of-staters with directions. it's the Nebraska way! (8/22/2012)
Here in Nebraska, we'd be inclined to use different adjectives: 'crude', 'unprofessional', 'vulgar', 'uncollegial' (8/27/2012)
You're from Rochester, NY. You've probably never even set foot in NE (7/27/2012)

On the historic 1986 Nebraska race between Democrat Helen Boosalis and Republican Kay Orr, the first time two US women ever vied for a governorship in a general election:
In 150 years, the Nebraska Democrats have never been able to find a single woman qualified to lead the ticket. Wow. Says it all.  (8/5/2012)

On professorial demeanor and enhancing UNL's academic reputation:
(David Burge) Let's load our magazine of activism with the hollow points of awareness, and blow a hole of understanding in the torso of intolerance.
(Gerard Harbison) But gently! (8/15/2012)
@ThatOtherChris so, do you think #harryreidisapederast ? (7/31/2012)
Please don't RT #harryreidisapederast , because every time you RT #harryreidisapederast , #harryreidisapederast trends higher! (7/31/2012)

A hooker I met in Nevada told me #harryreidisapederast But that might be because he stiffed her. And not in a good way. (7/31/2012)

I clicked on a button on Bob Kerrey's web site, and now I'm making a nuisance of myself here. Whee! Anyone got any meth? (7/29/2012)

The American Burying Beetle uses the rotting flesh of dead rodents to raise maggots. A fitting mascot for @boldnebraska! (8/2/2012)

On scientific investigation and drawing reasoned conclusions:
I don't know that #harryreidisapederast but that resemblance to the old pedophile on Family Guy surely can't be coincidence? Can it? (7/31/2012)

On the millions of dollars Chick-fil-A's company charity has donated to some of the nastiest antigay pressure groups in America, including SPLC hate group, the Family Research Council:
Wish we had a @Chick-Fil-A in #lnk. Good food and good cause today.
Retweeted by Gerard Harbison (8/1/2012)

On Willie Nelson having settled with the IRS almost 20 years ago, in 1993, after discovering that his accounting firm, Price Waterhouse, which he sued, hadn't been paying his taxes:
With the millions of unpaid taxes he owes, shouldn't Willie Nelson be writing a check to the US Treasury, and not @kerreybob? (8/9/2012)
@kerreybob re: milking taxpayers, will you press Willie Nelson to pay the $$$m he still owes the IRS, when he fundraises for you? (8/6/2012)

On the oppression of the white race, which can never catch a break, especially with a black man in the White House:
Obama campaigns today in Charlotteville VA. Plaquemines parish, LA, being socked by Isaac. 70% white, so drownings are of no consequence. (8/29/2012)
Being called racist is merely a testimony to one's debating skills. (7/27/2012)

On finally being banned from sending further comments to the Nebraska Democrats twitter feed:
O noes! Blocked by the @NebraskaDems ! I must have made them cry! I'm so sorry, little guys! I didn't know you were sensitive! (8/23/12)

On safe computing practices:
If anyone got a DM from me in the last 6 hours, don't click on the link. It's the koobface Twitter/Facebook virus. Yes, I'm a moron. (8/21/2012)

On being a selfish pig during an historic drought:
The city fails to provide the citizens with an adequate supply of water. Justice therefore requires that the citizens be fined. #LNK (8/19/2012)

On kneejerk fanboy adulation of reactionary politicians:
Paul Ryan rocked. (8/29/2012)
Chris Christie seriously rocked. (8/28/2012)

On steadfast family values and domestic violence:
Main reason both my wives have been American: Irish women punch too darn hard. (8/9/2012)

Team Obama thinks the west facade of the Nebraska State Capitol makes a nice-looking university

So, AKSARBENT was looking at the anti-Romney/
Ryan ads late at night and noticed the criticism of their Pell Grant cuts in an Obama ad — against a VERY familiar backdrop to anyone who has lived in downtown Lincoln. We thought: "Nah, it can't be..." But it was. The Obama campaign cropped the 400-ft. tower of the Nebraska State Capitol and turned the West facade with the statue of Lincoln into a college campus scene. After clicking around to find other pictures of the west facade, we noticed that at least two anti-Obama blogs in Nebraska caught this too.
     One (actually more of a Bob Kerrey hater) took an iphone picture to document the stupid mistake. This gun aficionado, UNL's self-stylin' "Right Wing Professor" (RWP, aka Gerard Harbison) attributes the boner to the legacy (or some other unnamed effect) of the large amounts of weed and cocaine that WE ALL KNOW Obama consumed in law school... And WE ALL KNOW that Obama personally edits all campaign ads... Etcetera.
     AKSARBENT noticed, after skimming through RWP's obsessive and copious anti-Bob Kerrey verbiage, that also, he really, really doesn't like teh gays. After the Charlie Rogers hoax, he claimed that Lincoln was "dragged through the mud" and "is owed an apology from the motley and unsavory crowd of LGBTQ activists who were willing to indict an entire community for an accusation that didn't pass the smell test."
     Because, you see, UNL's Right Wing Professor figured out it was a hoax! (Click on his I Told You So link!) Naturally, no gay activists could possibly have noticed KETV's video of the shards of broken glass from the storm door pointing OUT. Only brilliant heteros like Right Wing Professor could have figured stuff like that out. No gay activists could ever have been suspicious about spray-painted epithets being found inside, down in the basement rather than outside on, say, the garage. Such insight is exclusively the province of reactionaries like RWP.
    RWP, is evidently well paid to be an expert witness on whatever it is he teaches at UNL (and his gay students have AKSARBENT's deepest sympathies.) But RWP apparently isn't bright enough (or fair minded enough) to have carefully parsed the very first, and very cautious statement that Outlinc made about the incident back in late July. Had RWP bothered to do so, he might have realized that they obviously were well aware of the possibility of a hoax:

Outlinc President, Tyler Richard releases the following statement on behalf of the Outlinc board, “We are shocked and saddened by the report of an alleged hate crime involving a member of the LGBT community early Sunday morning. Our hearts go out the the victim, her family and close friends. Many in our community are understandably experiencing a great deal of sadness, anger and confusion. We look to our entire community to pull together in this difficult time. Outlinc has full faith in the Lincoln Police Department who has a long history of support for Lincoln’s LGBT community. We trust that their investigation will be fair and complete and we await the results. As we consider the possible impetus for this horrific attack we are reminded more than ever why fairness is vital in our city.”

Right Wing Professor has 140-character opinions on many other subjects, too, and he charitably lets a breathless world know, via twitter, dozens of times per month!

Here are some of his latest updates, in case you haven't been keeping up:

A few selections from the twitter wit and wisdom
of University of Nebraska at Lincoln
Prof. Gerard Harbison

On growing up in Europe, not America, and subsequently holding forth expansively about the essence of the Cornhusker State:
I like to help out-of-staters with directions. it's the Nebraska way! (8/22/2012)
Here in Nebraska, we'd be inclined to use different adjectives: 'crude', 'unprofessional', 'vulgar', 'uncollegial' (8/27/2012)
You're from Rochester, NY. You've probably never even set foot in NE (7/27/2012)

On the historic 1986 Nebraska race between Democrat Helen Boosalis and Republican Kay Orr, the first time two US women ever vied for a governorship in a general election:
In 150 years, the Nebraska Democrats have never been able to find a single woman qualified to lead the ticket. Wow. Says it all.  (8/5/2012)

On professorial demeanor and enhancing UNL's academic reputation:
(David Burge) Let's load our magazine of activism with the hollow points of awareness, and blow a hole of understanding in the torso of intolerance.
(Gerard Harbison) But gently! (8/15/2012)
@ThatOtherChris so, do you think #harryreidisapederast ? (7/31/2012)
Please don't RT #harryreidisapederast , because every time you RT #harryreidisapederast , #harryreidisapederast trends higher! (7/31/2012)

A hooker I met in Nevada told me #harryreidisapederast But that might be because he stiffed her. And not in a good way. (7/31/2012)

I clicked on a button on Bob Kerrey's web site, and now I'm making a nuisance of myself here. Whee! Anyone got any meth? (7/29/2012)

The American Burying Beetle uses the rotting flesh of dead rodents to raise maggots. A fitting mascot for @boldnebraska! (8/2/2012)

On scientific investigation and drawing reasoned conclusions:
I don't know that #harryreidisapederast but that resemblance to the old pedophile on Family Guy surely can't be coincidence? Can it? (7/31/2012)

On the millions of dollars Chick-fil-A's company charity has donated to some of the nastiest antigay pressure groups in America, including SPLC hate group, the Family Research Council:
Wish we had a @Chick-Fil-A in #lnk. Good food and good cause today.
Retweeted by Gerard Harbison (8/1/2012)

On Willie Nelson having settled with the IRS almost 20 years ago, in 1993, after discovering that his accounting firm, Price Waterhouse, which he sued, hadn't been paying his taxes:
With the millions of unpaid taxes he owes, shouldn't Willie Nelson be writing a check to the US Treasury, and not @kerreybob? (8/9/2012)
@kerreybob re: milking taxpayers, will you press Willie Nelson to pay the $$$m he still owes the IRS, when he fundraises for you? (8/6/2012)

On the oppression of the white race, which can never catch a break, especially with a black man in the White House:
Obama campaigns today in Charlotteville VA. Plaquemines parish, LA, being socked by Isaac. 70% white, so drownings are of no consequence. (8/29/2012)
Being called racist is merely a testimony to one's debating skills. (7/27/2012)

On finally being banned from sending further comments to the Nebraska Democrats twitter feed:
O noes! Blocked by the @NebraskaDems ! I must have made them cry! I'm so sorry, little guys! I didn't know you were sensitive! (8/23/12)

On safe computing practices:
If anyone got a DM from me in the last 6 hours, don't click on the link. It's the koobface Twitter/Facebook virus. Yes, I'm a moron. (8/21/2012)

On being a selfish pig during an historic drought:
The city fails to provide the citizens with an adequate supply of water. Justice therefore requires that the citizens be fined. #LNK (8/19/2012)

On kneejerk fanboy adulation of reactionary politicians:
Paul Ryan rocked. (8/29/2012)
Chris Christie seriously rocked. (8/28/2012)

On steadfast family values and domestic violence:
Main reason both my wives have been American: Irish women punch too darn hard. (8/9/2012)