Outsports' Jim Buzinski, gay sherpa to Super Bowl 47

Both hilarious and insightful (although AKSARBENT would be easily fooled) the complete version is here at the Huffington Post.

Kickoff/TV: The kickoff is set for 6:30 p.m. EST, shortly after Alicia Keys sings the national anthem. You can bet in Vegas on whether Keys' version will last longer than 2 minutes and 15 seconds...  You can also get 5-to-1 odds on whether Keys will get booed.
      The game will be broadcast on CBS, with Jim Nantz doing the play-by-play and Phil Simms doing the analysis. Simms was a cute blond in his days as the New York Giants' quarterback, and he has two sons, Chris and Matt, who have carried on that legacy. Neither is as good a quarterback as their dad, but they certainly are hot...
Quarterback pet angle: Kaepernick has a pet turtle, Sammy, who weighs 115 pounds.
The fans: ...Swimmer Michael Phelps, a Baltimore native, is the best-known Ravens fan, and he showed up at the AFC championship game sporting a new grungy look. Two of my brothers and a nephew are huge Steelers fans, so they hate the Ravens as a matter of course (the two teams are bitter division rivals), but I have not found the Baltimore fan base to be that obnoxious.
     The 49ers used to have annoying, entitled fans (that's what winning five Super Bowls in 13 years will do), but this is their first trip to the Super Bowl since the 1994 season, so their fans there are a little more humble. A new gay sports bar, Hi Tops, opened in the city last year, and it made the pages of Sports Illustrated when the magazine ran a photo of two gay male patrons making out after the 49ers won the NFC championship.
The game: The pointspread is small for a reason: These teams are evenly matched, and any outcome would not be a surprise. That's been the trend of the past nine Super Bowls, all of which were within a touchdown or less in the fourth quarter...
The pick: I see a back-and-forth affair as the Harbaugh brothers try to outguess each other... History repeats itself: 49ers 24, Ravens 20.