Pat Robertson: The Scottish Documentary Incident

From Uncyclopedia, "the content-free encyclopedia" comes a hilariously fake bio of evangelist-financier Pat Robertson.

"...In 1997, Pat Robertson took a trip to Scotland with a film crew. The original plan was to make a video for sale on late-night TV called "Pat Robertson and Guys Gone Wild", featuring Pat getting young men drunk and exposing themselves.

...The many signs that led Robertson to conclude that the Scottish were homosexual include:

• his mistaking the trillions of Scottish men wearing kilts for homosexual crossdressers wearing skirts. Plus the kilt's nature led to promiscuous sex, being so easy to lift up for coitus.
• his understanding that when in the historical film Braveheart William Wallace (played by Mel Gibson) says "throw this poof out the window!", it was in the understanding that he would land in Wallace's haycart so he could have him later.
• his mistaken belief that the Scottish national anthem, Flower of Scotland, is sodden with gayness.

Because of these reasons, the entire Scottish nation declared war on Pat Robertson... The Scottish threatened to invade America if Robertson was not handed over, and began talks of "regime change"... The Scottish Parliament tried to get the UN involved in military action, but the Scottish did not have enough money to bribe them to go along, and the UN was too busy with their child sex rings in East Africa...

Historians later concluded a Scottish invasion of America wouldn't have worked, since not enough Scottish soldiers could have fit on the back of the Loch Ness monster to have made a successful beach landing.

Aye, Laddie... the Bank of Scotland is changing (slowly)

Ten years ago the Bank of Scotland had to pay $15 million to extricate itself from its joint venture with Pat Robertson after Mr. Congeniality went off on decadent, evil, dark Scotland during a 700 Club diatribe.

Said outburst helped the Log Cabin Republicans and Edinburgh's Equality Network, already cooperating in an extremely effective boycott, during which Bank of Scotland's stock dropped $600 million while other bank stocks rose.

Fast forward to 2009, when the bank's mortgage subsidiary, Halifax, borrowed the soundtrack from a very inclusive music video by Omaha's own Conner Oberst and Bright Eyes for its own television ads.