Lincoln, Nebraska elementary school, named for principal of Dick Cheney's alma mater, tells bullied students to suck it up

If you're keeping this story to yourself, you're just damn selfish. Tell your friends via
the Facebook, Google+, Reddit, Twitter, or email buttons at the bottom of this post.

NOTE: Though this rogue handout reflects the talking points of an adversary of conventional anti-bullying approaches, it should be noted that Lincoln has produced a national model for anti-bullying efforts, a fact AKSARBENT blogged about in 2011, here.
     Now that an unnamed functionary of Zeman Elementary School in Lincoln has given the place more viral Internet  infamy than it has ever had, by sending the above tips about bullying home with students, the school has called the whole mess a miscommunication.
     The Internet has been more critical. From Jezebel.com

    Were these rules written by Kim Jong-il before he died? That's the only reasonable explanation for how this kind of bullshit could exist. "Do not tell on bullies" might be the most terrifying, stupid thing I've ever seen a school try and impose on young minds. I can't even bother with a line-by-line breakdown of what's wrong with all of the points in this flyer, because honestly I think all of you are way too smart for that. Just like I don't have to tell you what a serious issue bullying is and how awful the consequences can be.
     These "rules" shouldn't be labeled as advice for dealing with bullies. They should be called "Ways We Can Get You Goddamn Kids to Act So We Never Have to Deal With Your Problems Ever."

     Lincoln teachers can be badass. Recently, one of them set fire to a box of papers on the desk of a supervisor, subsequently destroying the school district's $20 million headquarters.
     Unrelated but fun fact: Zeman School is named after Anna F. Zeman, who was once the principal of Calvert elementary school, attended by Vice President Dick Cheney after he was kicked out of Randolph School for reasons that, even after half a century, Lincoln Public Schools will NOT discuss, but thank you for asking.

     This is the second time this week Lincoln has been in national News of the Weird accounts. A few days ago, a three-year-old Lincolnite escaped his apartment while his mom was in the bathroom. He was later found across the street in a bowling alley, INSIDE A CLAW MACHINE playing with the stuffed animals. Time reported that the vending machine company had to get the kid out, but that no one seems to know how he got in.
     Don't laugh. Someday that scamp may join the GOP and become Vice President of this formerly great nation.
     Full disclosure: This post was written by a proud graduate of Calvert Elementary School (national ranking: low), who personally met Anna F. Zeman — before she became a building — several times, in the principal's office, for reasons that the Lincoln public school system also is not at liberty to discuss.