Sunday, September 23, 2012

More Saturday Night Live: 'Ann Romney' gives her critics what for; Ellen DeGeneres never married a car

Oh, by the way, at the end of the Fox and Friends sendup, SNL runs, at warp speed, a crawl of "disclaimers" by Fox "fact checkers." They're too fast to read in real time, so AKSARBENT typed them out for you...

The Bible was not a movie first.
Iowa City never elected Mayor McCheese.
Allegra is not a religion.
Jeremy Lin was traded, not deported.
The sun and the moon do not high-five as they pass each other.
Vaginas don't look like that.
A dead person's skull does not contain their memories.
Ron Paul is one person.
The Atlanta Hawks are a team, not an infestation.
Ellen DeGeneres never married a car.
Benedict Arnold was not a character on Diff'rent Strokes.
A wind turbine has never cut off the head of a pretty girl in a convertible.
The Tasmanian Devil is not the president of Tasmania.
Star Wars is essentially a work of fiction.
Al Gore never claimed to invent Nintendo.
Hawaii does not rotate every six months.
Neil Armstrong was not the first person to moon someone.
The Keystone Pipeline is not filled with Keystone Light.
Swiss banks are not "full of holes."
Camp David does not have a sister camp called Camp Denise.
Oogielove is not a sexually transmitted disease.
They did not name Mars after the Mars Rover.
Monica Lewinsky was never in an internment camp.
Six comes after five.
Kim Jong-Un is not the CEO of Yahoo.
Left-handed people cannot read your thoughts.
Lobsters are not "ocean spiders."
Cat Fancy is a magazine, not a man/cat dating site.
The U.S. Postal Service never released a Kesha stamp.
"F" is not a blood type.
Parsley is not one of the Spice Girls.
Usain Bolt is not a new action movie starring John C. Reilly.
LIBOR is not a giant praying mantis.
Old Navy is not one of the armed forces.
The letters in "Massachusetts" cannot be rearranged to spell "same sex marriage."
Crabs don't breastfeed.
Animal Planet is not an acceptable nickname for Telemundo.
Marco Rubio does not play for the Timberwolves.
Al Jazeera is not the cohost of "Tool Time."
Babies never skip ahead" to being 10.
Angela Merkel is not a palindrome.
You can't outrun polio.
The Negro League is not "back and better than ever."
Latin Inches is not the Mexican metric system.
The Russian national anthem is not the U.S. national anthem played backwards.
Rocky never fought Lassie.

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