Thursday, May 7, 2015

Nebraska state senators get official wrestling names

From top: Adam "The Mongrel" Morfeld
and Laura "Extinction" Ebke
Senator Colby Coash thinks it's terribly unfair for professional wrestlers to be lumped with professional athletes and wants, via his bill, LB291, to exempt the industry from the jurisdiction of the state athletic commissioner.
     In an effort to enlist wider support for this endeavor, he has prepared a list of wrestling monikers for Nebraska's state senators. (Nebraska has a unicameral legislature with a senate but no house of representatives.)
     Said Coash, who fundraises via the help of Ted Nugent: "It would be a travesty if new generations of wrestlers the likes of Macho Man Randy Savage, the Ultimate Warrior, Captain Lou Albano and Hulk Hogan never have the opportunity to provide live entertainment to Nebraskans."
     Well, everyone has their own special definition of "travesty."
     Below, the complete state senator wrestling roster: 
Roy "The Butcher" Baker
Dave "Man in Black" Bloomfield
Kate "Bad News" Bolz
Lydia "The Boss" Brasch
Kathy "Karate Kid" Campbell
Ernie "Lion Whisperer" Chambers
Colby "Captain Chaos" Coash
Tanya "The Crippler" Cook
Joni "Candy Crusher" Craighead
Sue "Crawfish" Crawford
Al "Diesel" Davis
Laura "Extinction" Ebke
Curt "The Flea" Friesen
Tommy "Grassgrower" Garrett
Mike "Gargoyle" Gloor
Mike "The Grappler" Groene
Ken "Henchman" Haar
Galen "Hammerhead" Hadley
Matt "Hitman" Hansen
Burke "Hellfire" Harr
"Ruthless" Robbie Hilkemann
Sara "The Hunter" Howard
Dan "Hurricane" Hughes
Jerry "Jitterbug" Johnson
Bill "King Kong" Kintner
Rick "Killer" Kowolski
Mark "The Collector" Kolterman
Bob "Cataclysm" Krist
John "Cobra Kai" Kuehn
"Lawless" Tyson Larson
Brett "Starlord" Lindstrom
John "Mad Dog" McCollister
Beau "Bowtie" McCoy
Heath "Money Bags" Mello
Adam "The Mongrel" Morfeld
John "Big Fred" Murante
Jeremy "The Twitterer" Nordquist
Patty "The Punisher" Pansing Brooks
Merv "Rowdy" Riepe
Jim "Scarecrow" Scheer
Ken "Mr. Sensational" Schilz
David "Storm Chaser" Schnoor
"Stone Cold" Paul Schumacher
Les "The Shark" Seiler
Jim "The Silencer" Smith
John "Sidewinder" Stinner
Kate "Shipwreck" Sullivan
Dan "Wildflower" Watermeier
Matt "Wall Street" Williams

1 comment:

  1. *Professional* wrestling is theater, not good theater, but entertainment.

    Maybe not for the same reasons, but I too think *pro* wrestling does not belong under the jurisdiction of anyone whose competence is athletics. Freestyle, Greko-Roman, judo, collegiate, etc are wrestling and are athletics. Pro wrestling resembles these real sports only by weak imitation, its theater. Bad Theater!