Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Down-low granddads, Walmart has a pallet for you!

If you see the Duck Dynasty crap, keep walking until you see the display of cheap-for-a-reason DVDs of dead John Wayne, dead James Dean and dead Elvis. (What, no dead Ricky Nelson or dead Brando?) The Father's Day Walmart come-on is "Leading Men for Your Leading Man."
     Well, better blatant than latent.
     WalMart didn't forget anyone's inner queen either: it slyly slipped into the very down-lowest row a DVD of Mother Goddam herself, Bette Davis in Dark Victory, which, as a bonus, features proof that Ronald Reagan really was actually hot at one time.

     The beauty of all this is that granddads don't have to go to Walmart to get these gems, as they're pitched mostly at younger, clueless relatives to buy as gifts.
     This must be some relief, as Walmart already tortures seniors enough, from hiring them as greeters, to stopping them at the self-service registers until frazzled attendants enter their driver's license numbers into the chain's computers to "prove" they're old enough to buy a crap bottle of wine to sautee vegetables in, to selling generic blood pressure or Lipitor pills packaged in slide packs that don't release when the corner is pressed, making arthritic old women agonizingly rip apart the thick Walmart Pharmacy cardboard packages to try get at their meds.
     But hey, if an octogenarian woman cuts herself with a knife trying to open defective packaging or a few pills fly into the corner of her kitchen, it's all good, because Walmart can then sell her more drugs, right?

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