Monday, April 13, 2009


Because Rachel Maddow's mocking report of the National Organization for [heterosexual only] Marriage included funny clips stolen obtained by the Human Rights Campaign of really bad actors auditioning for the NOM's "Gathering Storm" ad, NOM got YouTube to remove them (even though Rachel's piece was noninfringing fair comment). MSNBC, which probably won't be as easily intimidated as YouTube's penniless parent, Google, has the video here. The NOM piece starts at 2:08.

1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract. [Just ask Nebraska Attorney General Jon Bruning! Oh, sorry. That was so unfair. Bruning's supposition was that a man might want to marry a chair, which is totally ridiculous unless it's an Eames chair.]
4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in the world.
9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans

—Anonymous Facebook Posting

Bans against gay marriage are not unconstitutional under equal protection, because gays already have the right to marry. In fact, we have all known many married gay people. They just can’t marry people of the same sex; on the other hand, neither can straight people. This is why the equal protection argument is absurd. Gays have exactly the same rights as straights.
—"Robert" quoted in the NYT column "The Opinionator" 4/3/9

Anatole France (pseudonym for Jacques Anatole Fran├žois Thibault) had a sarcastic counter-argument perfectly applicable to Robert's twisted logic:
"The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread."
The Red Lily, 1894

Dragging the French into this does serve a purpose beyond stealing rapier wit; that being a flimsy excuse to embed three automobile ads aired in that country which vividly epitomize the Gallic affection for the principle "Vive la difference."

Then what happened?

"Translation: Can you get us in?"
(If Renault really wanted the gay market, it would have named the car "Twinko", not "Twingo.")

Actually a Swedish-made ad, but with a French soundtrack and sensibility. And brought to you by the same Chicago ad agency which created Charlie The Tuna (WTF?).

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