Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Happy Independence Day, cynics!

Before accurately noting that the colonies agreed on July 2nd to revolt and that the Declaration of Independence wasn't signed until August (although John Adams, Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson later conspired to concoct the Fourth fib) Gawker went on this rant:
 ...In San Francisco's Castro neighborhood, victorious in the gay-marriage sweepstakes just in time for the entire neighborhood to be recolonized by same-sex couples who take the Google shuttle and make six figures each, the American flag will fly from every bar and every million-dollar condo unit cut out of a rehabbed Victorian. A few banners will combine the rainbow flag with the one blamed on that talentless old hag Betsy Ross, but the message will fly with all of them: Gay people are super patriotic. Why, they're more patriotic than straight people, especially straight people who worry a lot about gay people.
     Roasting in the heartland, reliably Republican towns will dress up their faded, abandoned Main Streets for an annual ritual aping Disneyland's summer parade and fireworks, minus the fun. Hulking tract-home people with skin the color of Costco precooked shrimp will bivouac at curbside with their monstrous ice chests and drink-holding chairs beneath portable canopies. They will cheer wildly for the military bands and overbearing military vehicles, because what would these towns be without the military hiring the otherwise unemployable heartland teenagers?
     ...The rich make sure to be extra patriotic on the Fourth, even as they transfer ever bigger chunks of their massive wealth to offshore tax havens. The media, in full moronic masturbation mode, will roll out a torrent of straight-faced utter bullshit the likes of which you'll never see outside of a presidential nominating convention at a sports arena. Every industry and every banal cause will be draped in the Stars and Stripes, because since 9/11 it is basically illegal to be unpatriotic. Even the very few people with some guts, like the NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden, claims to be a patriot...
Here's patriot careerist/opportunist Lee Greenwood, working the God and Country thing to the bone.

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